NAME:
 Baby
FROM:
 The planet Nylon
LANGUAGES:
 Slezakian, Wookie, and Body
TRAINED:
Partly
BEST COMMANDS:
Sit, Stand, and Come.
BIGGEST FEAR:
 Being put in a corner (because "nobody puts Baby into a corner")
FAVORITE HYMN:
 "This Little Light of Mine"
STORY:
 Baby hails from the planet Nylon, but spends most of her time holed up in Carol Channing's purse. They have seen all parts of this globe and its nether regions. He has been privy to some of the wildest sex parties ever thrown in Toluca Lake where Ms. Channing makes her home, and of course, has dined with the president as well. Baby does not take well to water, as one might suspect, and has the odd tendency to wander off. He feeds on shrubs and has been known to devour red-headed human toddlers in seconds flat. He will not sleep unless his bed is liberally lined with the pages of McSweeneys and/or Cosmo, and is unfortunately given to the earthly equivalent of black-outs. If coaxed properly, Baby, though completely incapable of human speech, can sing the songs of Stephen Sondheim and Adam Ant, and has been known to tap dance as well. Baby is here on this planet searching for his long lost sister, Burma. He has, for some strange reason, recently taken up with drag queens in the Hollywood area. It is suspected that he inadvertently mistook a more convincing Carol Channing look-alike, and has got up into THE WRONG BAG! Baby is harmless and well, pretty much useless. He does tend to loiter about, spare changing for no apparently reason, as the planet Nylon has no similar monetary unit. We think he is merely fascinated by the strange shiny motto engraved onto each and every coin, "In God we trust". Last words, Be kind to Baby, and Baby
will be kind to you.